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Running Ravenous Monster is a passion project. It costs time. It costs money. It requires labor. The reward is writing about a topic I love for an audience I appreciate. I enjoy it because, like you, I’m a horror fan through and through. So, when […]
Featured Article Movie Reviews Movies & TVRunning Ravenous Monster is a passion project. It costs time. It costs money. It requires labor. The reward is writing about a topic I love for an audience I appreciate. I enjoy it because, like you, I’m a horror fan through and through. So, when October rolls around I get insanely happy and insanely busy in equal measure.
Of course, there are a million new movies to cover. However, I’m also a family man, and my daughter goes Halloween-haywire too, so I make sure to facilitate her enjoyment to the best of my ability. And my wife is no stranger to horror-nerd proclivities, herself. So, to say our Octobers are booked full is an understatement.
But I do still need some me-time.
Every October, I participate in a private 31 Days of Horror group comprised of underground genre filmmakers, writers, critics, and podcasters. It’s become one of the things I look forward to most about Halloween season. For the entire month social media stops being an insufferable wasteland–festering away while fomenting the end of democracy and depressing the masses–and it becomes the thriving community its potential has alluded to since the mid-aughts (mostly). For these 31 days, I get to interact with some real freaks, weirdos, sickos, and outsiders. In other words, I’m among my favorite, like-minded people, and it’s a blast.
The idea is to watch a movie each day of October and then share your immediate impression of it with the group in a short post. I almost never complete the entire challenge because it’s difficult to watch 31 movies in 31 days, no matter what the circumstances. But this year—so far—I’ve come close, and that’s meant that I’ve watched what scientists refer to as “a shit-ton” of horror flicks.
This year’s movies run the gamut from the biggest, newest releases—which are first-time viewings for all of us—to things I’ve watched every year since the early-‘80s. My daughter, who’s eight, was bound and determined to watch some “real” horror with me this year, and my wife always has a few picks as well. So, I’ve consumed a bit of every strain, flavor, and era of horror cinema this month and I figured, why the hell not share some of the high- (and low-) lights with you all?
The following are my immediate impressions of some of the films I’ve watched so far this month (it’s Oct. 27 as I write this). These are entirely informal. In fact, they’re overly informal. They are not revised, or ruminated upon, or polished by the clarity of retrospection. Some of them barely make sense! To put it another way, these are unfiltered movie reactions from your Editor-in-Chief that were never intended for you to read. Don’t say I didn’t warn you….
Have fun, Horror Fans, and Happy Halloween!
A QUIET PLACE PART II
This was a wife/husband watch. We saw the first one in the theater and enjoyed it well enough. Serious props to Jim Halpert.
This one was enjoyable, too.
It adheres to a standard sequel formula by loosely recreating the original movie beat by beat, but creatively twisting or broadening the scope of each beat, so that we end up with a bigger, crazier version of what worked the first time. In theory, at least.
And that’s fine, but I think I enjoyed it a bit more the first time, before we already knew the “rules” of this story.
Also, I am not a fan of this level, or style, or whatever of CGI. Those elements didn’t look good.
Otherwise, this was not a bad way to spend a couple hours.
BARBARIAN
I went into this one 100% cold–no trailers, no commercials, not even a tag line. I knew exactly three things: it’s called Barbarian, it involves an Airbnb, and it’s generating buzz.
I won’t write too much because I thought it was great, but I suspect that the less you know, the better.
I found it legitimately creepy at points. It’s occasionally darkly funny, but just enough to balance the griminess of the rest of it. It unapologetically takes a few tried and true tropes and spits them out in a completely unexpected, extremely effective way.
I found it to be a solidly gnarly, true horror film and I highly recommend it.
BEETLEJUICE
My daughter and I were at Spirit Halloween a couple weeks ago and she saw their line of Beetlejuice merchandise which piqued her interest.
Like many of you, I’ve seen this a million times, beginning when it was in theaters. The last time was probably 20 years ago.
It’s still fun. It’s a tight movie with, for my tastes, just the right amount of Tim Burton-ness included. While I certainly appreciate his “thing,” the older I’ve gotten, the less I enjoy his directorial thumbprint all over every pixel of every frame.
Sidenote: I’d love to see him tackle something that’s 100% aesthetically and tonally different than the rest of his canon. I think that would yield fascinating results.
My wife, like me, has seen this lots and she enjoyed it again this time. My daughter loved it. And bottom line, Michael Keaton is a pleasure to watch in anything.
DERANGED
Tonight felt like a good time to jump in my time machine and throw this in the VCR.
An ultra-low-budget contemporary of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, but even more directly inspired by the Ed Gein situation that went down in the land of beer and cheese a couple decades earlier.
This one is an all-time favorite of mine. It features super early, gnarly Tom Savini effects, loads of proverbial cheese, and a grimy vibe that can’t be replicated on purpose. My copy has a weird little Gein documentary included.
Fun fact: I ate an unusually large amount of various smoked meats during this viewing. It somehow felt a little diabolical. Also, predictive text wants ‘diabolical’ to be ‘diabetic’ and now I’m really freakin’ out….
DOG SOLDIERS
At some point I’ll get back to watching movies I haven’t seen before, but first…another favorite….
British soldiers expecting to rendezvous with a Special Ops team while on a training exercise deep in the Scottish Highlands find themselves under siege by A PACK OF FUCKING WEREWOLVES!!!
WHAT?!!! Yeah, that’s right.
[By merely typing those words, a kaiju of 10-year-old me sprang into existence in an alternate universe and is destroying a city. Shame.]
As if that isn’t enough to pique your interest, one of the most fascinating things about this production is watching a neophyte Neil Marshall learn how to be outstanding by figuring out how to make an ambitious werewolf movie with a dearth of resources and experience.
He rides the chops of his outstanding ensemble cast, featuring some faces that rose to prominence later in Game of Thrones, and his great script to create what for me is everything I could ever want in a wolfman flick.
It’s definitely a test run for The Descent, but with dudes and lycanthropes. I love it. I highly recommend it.
HALLOWEEN
This was another daughter pick. Back in September, I showed her a bunch of trailers for classic horror flicks. She was really intrigued by the trailer for this, and she’s been begging to see it ever since.
I figured, of all the slasher classics, this one has the least blood and fewest boobs, so we went for it. By the time we got to Act Three, she was cracking jokes to diffuse the tension like an old pro.
My opinion of this one goes without saying. But I did note that after all these years, it’s really starting to feel incredibly tame by the modern standards of not only horror movies but even genre TV shows. It’s also remarkable just how many horror movie tropes were born here.
Great movie. Fun night.
HALLOWEEN ENDS
I’ll keep it brief. The two most surprising things for me were:
I had extremely low expectations and even so, this managed to come up profoundly short of them.
There’s an objectively talented group of filmmakers behind this franchise entrusted with the monumental task of somehow tying a bow around this thing to one extent or another, and of all the myriad ways to do it, somehow THIS was what we ended up with.
It’s like a carnival of bad ideas (if carnivals were long and boring, I guess). For me, this one missed the target entirely.
HELLRAISER
Like many of you, this is another favorite of mine. It was my wife’s pick, tonight, as she’d never seen it and it’d been several years for me.
Talk about injecting something COMPLETELY different into 1987’s horror zeitgeist! The aesthetic of this has been so often imitated that I think people have forgotten how absolutely next level it was when it dropped.
Watching tonight reminded me what a “holy shit!” sequence the prologue is and how it removes any sense of familiarity from everything that follows.
They stretched the hell out of their $900,000.00 budget, but the lack of money and the relative lack of experience in certain key areas make this pretty rough around the edges in several respects, too.
But I liken that to sitting at your favorite Sicilian restaurant right after you’ve told the dude who just grated a mound of fresh parmesan on top of your plate of Caponata to stop.
It’s like, of course there’s cheese! And it’s exquisite!!
HELLRAISER (2022)
I’m a huge fan of the original Hellraiser as well as “The Hellbound Heart” novella. I also largely enjoy the first sequel. I’ve seen the third and fourth movies, and that’s as far as it goes for me with this franchise.
[Sidenote: In the ‘80s I rented EVERYTHING, and one night in 1987 I happened to rent Hellraiser and Evil Dead 2 together and had one of the best movie-watching nights of my entire life.]
I know a lot’s already been written here about this one and I certainly don’t have any profound insight to offer. I wanted to like it, but it was not to be. For me it was an overly long, convoluted mess. Everything got thrown against the wall and yet not one thing stuck. I found it one dimensional and boring.
There are a few scenes/shots of Cenobites that are effectively creepy, for sure. They’re just way too few and far between to justify the nearly two hours of everything else.
HOCUS POCUS
This was yet another family viewing and it was my first time. My wife is a bit younger than me, and it was her pick. So, she’s got that nostalgia thing happening, but…
…Oof.
Like, if I was in Guantanamo Bay and they put me in a room with Bette Midler wearing that outfit and doing this shtick? I’d pretty much instantly tell George W. Bush all my secrets.
Aside from the occasional burst of Halloween atmosphere, I really did not enjoy this. And of course, I’m already on the hook for part 2….
I’m not sure my kid even liked it, but maybe I’m just seeing it all through grumpy, old lenses.
HOCUS POCUS 2
This was a mom/daughter pick. Its release was the catalyst for our watching the original last week. I really didn’t like that one, and, unsurprisingly, I struggled mightily getting through this one.
I don’t get it. But I’m old and grumpy so I don’t think I’m the target demo. Anyway, empty calories serving a Fandom to which I don’t belong.
MANIAC
This is another all-time favorite of mine, and I had the Blue Underground release over on the shelf, still shrink-wrapped, so I figured what the hell?
Joe Spinell and Bill Lustig conspired to make a sleazy, brutal, and disturbing little masterpiece told from the perspective of a demented serial killer who’s losing his grip on what’s real.
It’s exemplary of the confluence between one of my favorite cinematic eras and one of my favorite cinematic regions. I mean, pop this in and you can practically smell the puddles of piss up and down 42nd Street.
One thing that really struck me this time was how impressively prescient this was in that it got an incredible number of things right about the way serial killers operate. And this was way before any of that information was really available outside of those fields of study.
It features a truly great performance by Spinell. Also, Tom Savini goes ham.
PREY
We liked this well enough. Great setting. Tight, classically composed story. Nice, svelte run time. This was another daddy/daughter pick, and it ended up being right on the edge of what she can deal with. She didn’t find it scary; in fact, she digs the creep-factor part of this stuff more than anything. She’s just really squeamish. I told her CGI gore doesn’t count, but she wasn’t buying it.
POLTERGEIST
This is yet another family watch. My daughter thought it was pretty awesome. And I hadn’t seen it in at least a couple decades. It’s a touch rougher around the edges than I remember it being, but it still holds up really well (even though the movie’s objective correlative is an ancient, 400lb TV that goes to static late at night…might as well have been a dinosaur bone to my kid).
Back in 1982 we didn’t have much…but we sure had HBO!! So, from ’82 through ’83 my brother and I watched Poltergeist and Jaws 3 like seven times per day. So, this movie was for sure an early influence on my movie sensibilities. Hungry little fucker watching ghost flicks.
PUMPKINHEAD
This was another daughter/dad watch. I’ve been in love with this one since it was released, and I thought it was a perfect time to share it with the kiddo.
An outstanding Lance Henriksen performance. A creepy-assed mountain witch. A great monster. It’s an impressive directorial debut from the great Stan Winston and a perfect Halloween time watch.
My daughter thought this was amazing. We had lots of fun.
*She also noticed a “dead guy’s” eye move and was for the next forty-five minutes an expert on how one should comport oneself when pretending to be a corpse.
THE BLACK PHONE
I read the short story this was adapted from a long, long time ago and while I remember really enjoying it, I don’t remember the actual story, which is weird. Right?
What’s also weird is that watching this movie didn’t ring any bells either. That’s some old man brain shenanigans, there. Then again, I just got done playing a gig, and I watched this a couple nights ago. And I’m tapping this out on my phone. Like, a team of the world’s top scientists couldn’t invent a worse time for me to be doing this.
Anyway, I mostly enjoyed this. It’s great looking and it sounds fantastic, too. This is a rare movie that gets its era’s aesthetic correct, for the most part. Things look and sound like the late-‘70s/early-‘80s.
It relies on a largely child cast and so you get what you get with that. And don’t scrutinize the central conceit of this at all. It doesn’t make any sense. Just go with it.
Also, this comes from the King Family Canon, so pretty much everyone and everything has ESP. Stray dog? Straight up mind reader. Squirrel that steals your birdseed? He can hear your inner monolog.
THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY
Tonight seemed like a great night to get my Fulci Fix. This is the third film in his “Gates of Hell” trilogy and it’s probably the most coherent of the three. Even so, like all Lucio Fulci movies, it’s wacky-bananas before the opening credits even roll.
It’s every bit his signature Italian Gothic Horror meets Exploitation Splatter. A spectacularly gory fever dream. And probably his take on Lovecraftian horror.
I find every single frame of this to be an absolute pleasure on the eyes, and every shot is compelling and beautiful/creepy. And yet…you have to endure kung fu flick-level dubbing and some performances that are so bad, it’s hard to believe they were done in earnest. But, you know, that comes with the territory.
It features another great score by Walter Rizzati that, along with everything else, makes this movie extremely evocative of its era. And I’m an absolute sucker for it. 1981 underground Italian cinema with New York City connections? You can’t go wrong!!
For me, these “Gates of Hell” flicks are great Halloween time viewing.
THE NIGHT HOUSE
This was another solo watch for me. It’s been on my radar since last year and I found it really impressive. It fell short of great for me by unraveling a bit in the third act. The resolution gets a little too convoluted for its own good. But it’s not enough to derail an otherwise well-crafted movie.
It gets a ton of mileage from some top-notch performances and a pretty brilliant sound design. It’s also an unashamed horror flick made for adults by adults which was a nice change of pace.
I highly recommend it but be warned…there’s some really traumatic nonhorror shit depicted in it that may not be for everyone.
THE STUFF
This is a Larry Cohen joint from 1985 and when I was a ‘tween I saw it several times and enjoyed it, but I haven’t seen it since.
I was an unusually discerning movie watcher as a kid, so I was pretty surprised tonight to discover the multifaceted badness of this. Some of it is at least hysterical.
The strangest component of this thing is the portrayal of our protagonist, David, the investigator. The actor, a thirty-ish guy inhabited by the soul of a fifty-ish guy, plays our hero as kind of an assistant college football coach in the SEC with a sub-80 IQ and a quaint, folksy hatred of women type of dude.
Peering into this story through this character’s eyes was quite the time. I feel like I should probably have a word with 1980s me.
WEREWOLF BY NIGHT
I couldn’t settle on anything tonight, saw this, and went for it. This was pretty fun. It clocks in at 55 minutes which is unusual but appreciated. It’s a ’40s-style pulp/noir tale of monster hunting, powerful ancient relic wielders, and werewolf shenanigans. It’s full of action, creepy set-pieces and it’s thick with Halloween vibes. Not a bad way to spend an hour this month.
X
This was my first solo flight this year. As I’m sure you know, it got lots of hype and as hard as I tried to temper them, my expectations were a little hot going in.
From a technical perspective, I loved it. It looks great. It sounds great. It’s well acted. You get the idea.
I love how the premise of this inverts a slasher trope that’s been beaten to death, first in earnest and later ironically.
However…
Once the homicidal shenanigans began to unfold, things got a lot more conventional, and the plot started requiring herculean levels of concentration to keep myself engaged lest I scrutinized anything I was watching for even a second. Even for a slasher flick, this one almost became too nonsensical for my bruised and battered suspension of disbelief to withstand.
Overall, though, I mostly enjoyed it.
What are we even doing here? This is what we’ve come to, huh? Don’t Fuck In The Woods 2. That’s the actual name of the movie. And “2”? There’s more than one of these? This isn’t a movie. This is a joke. It’s the bonehead […]
Movie Reviews Movies & TVWhat are we even doing here? This is what we’ve come to, huh? Don’t Fuck In The Woods 2. That’s the actual name of the movie. And “2”? There’s more than one of these? This isn’t a movie. This is a joke. It’s the bonehead idea you come up with when you’re seventeen and you and your idiot friends decide to make a movie. It’s the kind of idea that’s never meant to leave the smokey confines of your buddy’s mom’s basement. Yet here we are.
So, what, am I supposed to actually review this thing? Should I convince you to give it a watch? If you’re anything like me, you knew if this was meant for you the moment you saw the title. You were doubly sure if you watched the trailer. This is not a movie made for general audiences. This is a movie for deviants and miscreants.
I loved it.
If I only had one word to describe Don’t Fuck In The Woods 2, it would be “Gratuitous.” Gratuitous violence? Check. Gratuitous nudity? Check. Gratuitous sophomoric humor? You’d better believe it.
This movie goes hard. From Frame One, it makes clear that it’s not toying around. You don’t watch a movie like this unless you’re looking for some absurd, offensive, and excessive schlock. With Don’t Fuck In The Woods 2 you’re getting twice as much as you paid for, and a little extra on the side.
Of course, the Achilles Heel of a movie like this is in the writing. It’s all too easy for the creative team to rest on a gimmicky title and a deliberate “So-Bad-It’s-Good” shtick. But feigned (and sometimes not-so-feigned) incompetence can only take you so far. You still have to put in the work. Silly titles and cheezeball plots can only do so much of the heavy lifting before the entire affair becomes tedious.
Here’s the thing: Don’t Fuck In The Woods 2 is so entertaining that I would have let a bad script slide. Poor form can be forgiven as long as the delivery is spectacular. Splash a decent amount of blood my way, and that’s good enough for me. But good enough wasn’t good enough for the maniacs steering this ship.
What do we have here? Gratuitous good writing? Talk about wildly unnecessary, but there it is. Co-written by director Shawn Burkett and star Cheyenne Gordon, the script goes that extra mile and actually takes care to be a good story first. The duo strikes a delicate balance between plot, characterization, and pacing along with the more important stuff like gore and naked people.
Speaking of people, naked or otherwise, the entire cast deserves a round of applause for keeping the movie afloat. Bad acting is also forgivable as long as the end result is entertaining, but once again, everyone involved brings their A-game. Undeterred by the absurdity, the great outdoors, and the endless supply of stage blood, the cast gives it their all and collectively raises the quality of the production to a level far exceeding what was needed.
There’s no reason for this movie to be as good as it is. In the arena of ‘80s-throwback horror, the bar is set pretty low. All you really need is a camera and a little bit of blood. Maybe a nifty effect or two, if you’re feeling fancy. It’s not that complicated. Anything beyond that is just a bonus. Don’t Fuck In The Woods 2 is full of bonuses. Between the writing, acting, gore, and just generally fun mood, it towers over every other entry within its niche.
If there are any problems to be found with the movie, it’s with the opening scene. Seemingly torn from the pages of a Richard Laymon novel, the movie opens with a sexual assault, and that’s baffling. It’s tongue in cheek and meant to be over the top like the rest of the movie. But kicking things off with a monster-rape scene is like starting a song with a sour note. You can recover, and Don’t Fuck In The Woods 2 does recover, but it does leave a bad taste in the mouth from the get-go. While thematically relevant, the scene is tonally jarring and perhaps would have been better left on the cutting room floor.
But that’s the danger in taking risks. If you’re going to go hard, you have to go hard, social decency be damned. Sometimes it’s a home run, and other times it’s a swing and a miss. Luckily, aside from this one misstep early on, the rest of the movie is a clear winner.
Could I possibly convince you to watch this movie? Probably not. I’m sure your mind is already made up, one way or the other. But if you find yourself on the lookout for a bloody, sexy, and ridiculous movie, give Don’t Fuck In The Woods 2 a try. You’d be hard-pressed to find anything nearly as good.
Don’t Fuck In The Woods 2 is available on VOD October 11 2022 and on Blu-Ray December 2022.
Life’s been tough for Danny (Joseph Almani). He’s struggling with his job as a police officer. His girlfriend has left him. And now he’s staying with his Uncle Bill (Michael Paré) at a secluded ranch in the middle of nowhere. Things aren’t looking too good […]
Movie Reviews Movies & TVLife’s been tough for Danny (Joseph Almani). He’s struggling with his job as a police officer. His girlfriend has left him. And now he’s staying with his Uncle Bill (Michael Paré) at a secluded ranch in the middle of nowhere. Things aren’t looking too good for him, but at least he’s got one thing to look forward to: Fixing up a classic car.
When an earthquake strikes, the car falls from its lifts, killing Bill and pinning Danny to the floor. Trapped in the dark, with limited ability to contact the outside world, life seems to have gotten about as bad as it can get. Unfortunately for Danny, things only get worse when he realizes he’s not alone in the garage. Squirming creatures emerge from the ground after the quake. Creatures with massive jaws, several rows of teeth, and venomous stingers. Creatures that kill anything that crosses their path.
They Crawl Beneath is a mostly solid monster movie. Director Dale Fabrigar keeps things moving along quickly, and despite the story primarily taking place in a single location, the movie manages to avoid feeling stagnant. There’s always some new frame or angle chosen to keep things feeling fresh. When the bulk of the story revolves around a single person who can’t even move around, the movie could very easily become boring. Fabrigar skillfully avoids that trap and keeps the story engaging.
Along with his direction, the script by Tricia Aurand is responsible for much of the film’s pacing. Tightly crafted and always moving, the story deftly jumps from one obstacle to the next. As soon as Danny resolves one crisis, another rears its head, leaving him seemingly no closer to escape than he was to begin with. Ironically, it’s Danny’s struggles against the inanimate world around him that form the most compelling part of the story. Even without the creatures, the story could function essentially the same way.
And that’s one of the weaker points of the film.
The creatures are an interesting design and come equipped with horrific capabilities. They hit a sweet spot with monsters where they’re just familiar enough to be almost recognizable yet alien enough to be repulsive. There’s just enough information provided early on to give them some context, but they are otherwise left mysterious.
For such an interesting creature, their presence is largely absent. One will show up here and there to throw a wrench into Danny’s attempts to free himself. But despite the established dangers, they are easily dealt with and seem to be more of a nuisance than an actual threat.
Though the script is tightly plotted, with nearly every scene either setting up a future scene, or paying off a previous one, much of it feels unnecessary. A significant amount of time is spent dealing with family drama and relationship dynamics. Rather than focusing on the core concept of being stuck in a room with deadly monsters, They Crawl Beneath puts a little too much emphasis on the melodrama and not enough on the monster-drama.
By the end, the story feels incomplete. Not bad, but not quite what it could be. Between the creatures, the writing, and the directing, all the ingredients are there the for a truly great movie. Unfortunately, that potential is never truly reached.
I do recommend giving it a watch though. Despite some missteps, They Crawl Beneath is a strongly plotted movie with an interesting monster. Perhaps if we’re lucky, this isn’t the last we’ll see of these creatures. Like any good monster, there’s always a chance they may rise from the earth once again for a sequel. And then we can see what they’re really capable of.
They Crawl Beneath is available on Blu-ray October 4.
It’s finally that time of year and I, for one, am ready for it. I just watched a pretty great movie to kick the season off and I’m just going to get right to it and tell you a little bit about Surrogate—a spooky, ghostly […]
Movie Reviews Movies & TVIt’s finally that time of year and I, for one, am ready for it. I just watched a pretty great movie to kick the season off and I’m just going to get right to it and tell you a little bit about Surrogate—a spooky, ghostly tale from Australia that checks all the boxes and is a satisfying watch overall. So, grab a hot cider, or one of those gross pumpkin spice flavored things, and sit back while I tell you a little bit about what you can expect….
Surrogate comes to us from the minds of the writing duo of Beth King and David Willing, who wears two hats, as he’s also the director. It’s difficult to put together a synopsis that doesn’t give too much away. The movie’s not your typical over-the-top gorefest, nor is it a slow burn of a story. This offering feels more like a modern telling of The Changeling mashed up with The Ring, as it’s that kind of a ghost story. It’s not only about loss and the supernatural but also the protective nature of a parent who’s willing to do whatever it takes to save their child from the clutches of something evil even if it means making the ultimate sacrifice to keep them safe.
The cast is phenomenal. The performances are brilliant, especially from child actresses Taysha Farrugia and Ellie Stewart. This is a completely refreshing change from listening to children screaming shrilly for the entirety of a horror film. The leading actresses, Kestie Morassi and Jane Badler are incredibly believable in their roles as the powerhouse protagonist and hateful antagonist, respectively.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Mark Buys’s score which adds even more suspense to the already tense atmosphere of the film.
Surrogate’s main strength among its many is the incredibly strong storytelling that kept me glued to the screen. And don’t worry. There are some very effective jumps and gore throughout the film, but not a lot. There are also some unexpected twists and turns as well as a bit of comedic levity thrown in when needed.
I thoroughly enjoyed Surrogate and found it to be one of the better horror offerings of 2022 thus far. If you’d like to watch it, it’s currently streaming on Amazon Prime for $1.99. Give it a watch and let me know your thoughts.
“I believe there are monsters in the world that are born to human parents.” –John Steinbeck The social media age is the age of billions of people struggling against each other in a race to be heard. Millions of podcasts and YouTube channels and blogs […]
Movie Reviews Movies & TV“I believe there are monsters in the world that are born to human parents.” –John Steinbeck
The social media age is the age of billions of people struggling against each other in a race to be heard. Millions of podcasts and YouTube channels and blogs and TikTok channels and who knows whatever trendy apps, all bursting at the seams with folks who want to share their expertise and opinions. You are likely one of them. And the more people put themselves out there, the fewer seem to care, unless you are one of the lucky few who somehow wind up as an “influencer”.
This is the world that Greywood’s Plot, a clever indie horror pastiche, takes place in. Dom, the protagonist of the movie, is a video blogger operating in the shadowy world of cryptozoology and the paranormal. He’s fascinated with strange creatures on the borderland of reality. Unfortunately for Dom, few people seem interested in his opinions and those who are interested tend to be cruel and harsh in the manner of most online trolls. The loneliness and rejection of Dom’s chosen world leads him to a destiny darker and more horrific than anything he could imagine. It leads him to Greywood’s Plot!
This movie’s subject matter automatically makes me sympathetic. I can relate to Dom a lot. I also write on some of the same subjects that fascinate him and have dealt with some of the same rejection. Dom is pretty much stuck in his mom’s basement with only his YouTube channel and blogs to occupy him. I’ve been there, I know what it’s like. He’s searching for something different in this world, something to validate his existence. And ultimately, he takes drastic steps to achieve it.
Greywood’s Plot is the creation of director Josh Stifter, who also stars as Dom, and actor Daniel Degnan, who plays Doug Greywood. It’s a movie that starts in one place and ends up in a place that’s very different. It combines sarcastic humor and comedy with grotesque and absurd body horror. It’s a very quirky looking film, done strictly in moody black and white with a lot of odd visual detours and an effective soundtrack. If I had to describe it in terms of comparison, it’s like a mash-up of Clerks, Tusk and House of 1000 Corpses. But even that doesn’t do it justice…
Well, let’s take a dive into this weird slice of indie cinema. I will try to avoid the major spoilers, but some small ones are unavoidable….
The opening scenes of the movie establish that it is in black and white. I think it’s a great choice for Greywood’s Plot and honestly, this would be a less effective movie in standard color. We see a lonesome country shack out in the woods while a mournful alt-country version of “Home on the Range” slowly plays. On the inside of the shack, an intense looking fellow is stoically sitting. Something is covered by a white sheet and feebly gasping. It’s something awful…
Then we get introduced to our hero Dom as old family movies of him play. He is editing a video and narrating it. “I am utterly alone,” he says. “I just wanted to do something important.” Unfortunately, Dom fumbles his narration and cuts loose with some curse words. We already know this guy is kind of a dweeb. ”God, I wish I had better footage,” he laments. That’s the story of everybody working in cryptozoology and the paranormal.
Dom is in pretty bad shape. The video he is making appears to be a suicide note of some kind. He’s got a gun and is ready to go all the way. But just as he’s ready to pull the trigger, he loses his nerve. I don’t think this was the first time this happened, either. Then his mom calls him upstairs to dinner and the moment has passed.
Dom’s relationship with his mother doesn’t appear to be too great. He’s a rather foul-mouthed and ill-tempered son and Mom pretty much admits that he’s never going to amount to much. Confronted with such overwhelming parental support, Dom decides to hang out with best friend and fellow paranormal investigator Myles. Myles (Keith Radichel) is just as big a loser as Dom is. A video game nut, we first encounter him throwing away a vintage Gameboy in frustration when the game doesn’t go his way. Dom and Myles are lifelong friends and pretty much united by their shared uselessness.
A lot of the early part of Greywood’s Plot revolves around the pair commiserating about their state. The dialogue is comically ridiculous as they lament their situation over beers at the local watering hole. Dom is always on the verge of the next big paranormal expose. He’s got some exciting footage from a Bigfoot witness. The footage is laugh-out-loud hilarious as the hillbilly witness mentions that “he had a big pecker” when asked to describe the monster. Myles knows the footage is not going to lead to anything, but Dom doesn’t give up. Until he checks out the latest YouTube video he’s posted and sees 16 thumbs up and 115 thumbs down. The idiotic comments on the video are the same you would see on many YouTube videos, full of spite, curse words and crude insults. They are depressingly realistic.
That finally seems to break his spirit. But just as things seem to be at their bleakest, Dom receives a mysterious VHS tape through the mail from an anonymous party. The footage appears to show what seems to be a Chupacabra-type creature in a remote rural area. Viewers will recognize it from the footage that opened the movie. A note with the tape refers Dom to the man who owns the land where the video was shot, Mr. Doug Greywood. An excited Dom calls up a skeptical Myles and invites him to go on a road trip to Greywood’s property.
So, the two buddies hit the road as more dark acoustic music plays. We notice Dom has packed his pistol in the glove compartment. The only disquieting sign during the trip is when a strange shambling figure crosses the road in front of them as they approach their destination. They shrug that off and make their way to what seems the middle of nowhere, complete with an abandoned shack and the same dilapidated birdhouse we’ve seen before. They’re scared out of their wits by the appearance of Doug Greywood (Daniel Degnan) …who turns out to be a blandly amiable fellow in the vein of Ned Flanders from The Simpsons. He welcomes the pair to camp out on “the back forty”.
Night comes as the duo are in their tent and while the ambience is spooky, nothing really happens. At first. The next day, they separate for a bit to look for appealing locations. And then suddenly Dom is ambushed and knocked unconscious. And the mood and trajectory of Greywood’s Plot changes drastically from droll comedy to nightmarish horror. Dom undergoes a bloody transformation while Myles spends a horrific night in the woods dodging monsters and encountering mutilated victims. Does Myles really see all those creatures…or are they just in his fear-crazed mind? That’s up to you to figure out.
The rest of the movie I’ll leave you to watch. The many abrupt and bizarre changes once the pair reach Greywood’s Forest caught me by surprise and kept me glued to the film. What happens is absolutely absurd and really grotesque, yet it makes perfect sense within the framework of the movie. We know from the beginning that Dom is desperate to be somebody, to make a change in his life. Well, his wish is granted. He reacts to his situation much differently than the ordinary person would, but it makes sense and it’s set up beautifully.
The movie is anchored by three performances. Josh Stifter is great as Dom, a character who is pathetic, arrogant, sympathetic and menacing in equal measure. Keith Radichel seems to be a natural born schmuck as Myles. And Daniel Degnan is just plain bizarre as Greywood.
The movie also has an inventiveness to it that surprises. Stifter uses a lot of visual tricks including split screen, found footage and dreamy black and white imagery to keep your interest, but it never seems over the top like a lot of indie horror. One of the most delightful segments is a bloody cartoon that tells the urban legend of cannibal hobos. That was very deftly done. Music is also well integrated into the movie and I guarantee you will have “Home on the Range” on the brain for a while after seeing Greywood’s Plot.
I don’t want to go overboard with praise. There’s still a palpable “indie” sheen that never really leaves the movie and if you really start thinking about what happens, the sillier it will seem. But the immediate impact as you watch it is there. Greywood’s Plot is not perfect, but it’s one of the more entertaining no-budget indie horrors I’ve seen and there’s something about its hapless heroes that rings true in the age of white noise social media blather.
Greywood’s Plot is available September 16 on digital platforms worldwide from Terror Films.
Hello, Horror Fans! I recently received a press release that began, “The long-awaited sequel to cult slasher film Don’t F*ck in The Woods comes home this October.” Further explication helped me realize that the phrase “long-awaited” implies that a person or group of people are […]
Movies & TV NewsHello, Horror Fans! I recently received a press release that began, “The long-awaited sequel to cult slasher film Don’t F*ck in The Woods comes home this October.” Further explication helped me realize that the phrase “long-awaited” implies that a person or group of people are waiting for this movie. And they’ve been waiting for…well, a long time, I guess. Not only that, but “cult slasher film” leads me to believe that these people whose patience is probably wearing extremely thin by now are in a cult. This sounds dangerous, and, really, who am I to take unnecessary risks? So here we are. We’re running the trailer for this long-awaited cult film lest we become the ire of this mysterious low-budget slasher-worshipping gang of maniacs.
Don’t F*ck in The Woods 2 depicts what happens when a group of partying camp counselors comes face to face with parasitic monsters that are attracted to sex. Uh-oh!
This follow-up to director Shawn Burkett’s 2016 hit stars Brittany Blanton, Cheyenne Gordon, Julie Anne Prescott, Kaylee Williams, Mark Justice, and Jason Crowe.
Don’t F*Ck in The Woods 2 hits Digital on October 11, 2022, with Blu-rays coming in December from Wild Eye Releasing. Watch the trailer below, Horror Fans….
If you like found-footage films, then you’ll definitely want to give The Andy Baker Tape a chance. The trailer for this caught my attention because I’ve grown rather tired of the same old horror offerings where the same old shit happens. This isn’t your paranormal […]
Movie Reviews Movies & TVIf you like found-footage films, then you’ll definitely want to give The Andy Baker Tape a chance. The trailer for this caught my attention because I’ve grown rather tired of the same old horror offerings where the same old shit happens. This isn’t your paranormal type of found-footage tale. There aren’t any demons, or witches, or anything else that goes bump in the night. The monsters in this tale are the worst kind, because they’re real. So, sit back and get comfy as I tell you a little bit more about The Andy Baker Tape.
Written by and starring Dustin Fontaine and Bret Lada, The Andy Baker Tape is a tension-filled journey that begins as we first meet Jeff Blake (Bret Lada), who’s a pretty unlikable guy from the start. He’s a narcissistic YouTuber who’s a food blogger and potentially the next Food Network star. During one of the very first vlogs of the film, Jeff informs the audience that he’s done one of those do-it-yourself DNA tests and has discovered that he’s got a half-brother that he never knew about. So, naturally he and his long-lost sibling Andy Baker (Dustin Fontaine) arrange to meet.
The meeting is caught on tape—as is everything—and first appearances are interesting to say the very least. Jeff is clearly the more “citified” of the two, while Andy is more “backwoodsy” and simple. Initial interactions are awkward, but kind of comical as the film moves forward and we get to learn more about the two characters. We get to see more of their eccentricities and more of what kind of makes them tick. Jeff is very anal and is more worried about what his followers see while he’s in front of the camera. He wants Andy to be more professional and more like him. Andy is rough around the edges with a short temper and doesn’t like to be made to look like he’s stupid. When either of them gets angry…well, we won’t like them when they get angry. Or maybe we will. It just depends.
Essentially, this is what the foundation of The Andy Baker Tape is. It throws these two stereotypes into a “two go in, one comes out” death match situation. We basically know who wins judging from the title of the film.
In a nutshell, The Andy Baker Tape is a really well-done, highly entertaining film. This one is enjoyable because it doesn’t rely on a lot of jump scares, tons of gore, or gratuitous nudity. It relies on dialogue, acting, and storytelling to keep the watcher’s attention. Given that the budget wasn’t huge, and this is only a two-person cast, Lada and Fontaine did an outstanding job on this film on many levels. The suspense factor is fantastic. The runtime is perfect because it comes in at just a little over an hour. The chemistry between Lada and Fontaine is believable and entertaining. There are enough twists and turns to keep the watcher on edge.
I mean, I can’t say enough good things about The Andy Baker Tape. I highly recommend you watch it for yourself. You can find it streaming on digital and VOD currently.
There’re not many things more nerve wracking than a big move to a new city. You’re in a strange place, cut off from family and friends, working to get your life in order. Everything is upside down, and it’s a constant struggle just to find […]
Movie Reviews Movies & TVThere’re not many things more nerve wracking than a big move to a new city. You’re in a strange place, cut off from family and friends, working to get your life in order. Everything is upside down, and it’s a constant struggle just to find the right direction. It can be a little more bearable if you have a friend, but without that luxury, you’ll likely find yourself becoming roommates with a complete stranger.
That’s no good. It’s like a marriage of sorts, but worse. You share your space with someone else, grappling with one another’s idiosyncrasies and adjusting to one another’s lifestyles. It’s stressful.
It’s even more stressful if one night you walk out of your room only to find your new roommate is dead.
In The Dead Girl in Apartment 03 Laura (Laura Dooling) finds herself in just such a situation. Challenging herself to move to New York to start her life, Laura finds she must live with a woman she doesn’t know. As luck would have it, her new roommate, Elizabeth (co-acted by Jennie Osterman and Jasmine Peck), mysteriously dies after just a short time together.
After a brief investigation by Detective Richards (horror royalty Adrienne King), Laura attempts to salvage what little remains of her sanity, and soldier on. Slowly, Laura comes to suspect that Elizabeth’s death may not be so random after all. And the force responsible for Elizabeth’s death seems to have unfinished business.
When it comes to supernatural horror, there’s not much new ground to cover that hasn’t been done to death many times over. At this point, the success or failure of this kind of movie depends entirely on the delivery. And the delivery here is nearly flawless.
From the opening scenes, Writer/Director Kurtis Spieler makes it clear that we are in good hands. From the color palette and the framing of the shots to the pacing, everything is under tight control and the story unfolds exactly how it needs to. The story primarily takes place in a small apartment, following a single character. In a lesser production, these scenes can grow tedious. Spieler manages to keep things interesting for the entire run time, taking us away from the action only just often enough to provide us a short reprieve from the main story. These excursions likewise last just long enough to provide a bit of backstory to keep things interesting before jumping right back into the thick of it.
As far as the pacing goes, The Dead Girl in Apartment 03 makes a bold choice, one which I’m seeing more frequently lately, and I have to say it is a tendency I appreciate. The standard length of a feature film historically has been 90 minutes. Often more, but never less. The Dead Girl in Apartment 03 clocks in at just over an hour.
Some may view this as a negative, and depending on the cost of admission, it can sometimes feel like a bit of a rip-off. But in this instance, the runtime is perfect. Directors, take note: Not all stories need to be sprawling epics. Sometimes a solid hour is all we need. Get in, get out. Scare the crap out of us and send us on our way.
The Dead Girl in Apartment 03 does exactly that. There’s just enough backstory to flesh out the whole, but not so much as to water down the impact. The scary moments are tastefully placed, allowing us just enough time to let down our guard before the next terrifying image catches us unaware.
A longer movie might not capture a good balance between plot and scares. This movie gets the recipe just right. Spieler made a choice with the movie’s length and it was the correct one.
Some choices, however, could have been better. The weakest point of a supernatural story is in the exposition. Eventually, you have to explain things. You can tease out a mystery right up to the very end, but the audience needs to be clued in at some point on just what the hell is happening. There are not many elegant ways of explaining the paranormal, but there is a litany of clunky ones.
In year’s past, the characters would find time in their busy schedule to go to the library to research some occult symbol or another. In the present day, the most convenient method of exposition is a good old Generic Internet Search (and definitely not a [COMPANY NAME REDACTED] Search). Here, we have Laura’s ex-boyfriend Christian (Bryan Manley Davis) fulfilling the role of studious researcher, putting the pieces together.
Using a Research Scene to explain the backstory is not the worst cinematic transgression a writer can make, but it’s not exactly compelling either. About the only thing worse than internet sleuthing is when the bad guy explains the story to the hero in the last ten minutes. That cliche has been the butt of jokes since the earliest James Bond films. Unfortunately, The Dead Girl in Apartment 03 relies on that technique as well.
While functional methods of providing information, these moments display an uncharacteristic lack of creativity. By no means are they deal-breakers, but when nestled within an otherwise impeccable film, the contrast is striking. One is left feeling that something is missing. Something could have been executed just a little bit better.
Despite all that, The Dead Girl in Apartment 03 is a fantastic watch. It’s a classic paranormal story, reminiscent of the works of M R James. The kind of story that is exactly what it intends to be, and precisely what it needs to be.
Some movies take up too much of your time only to end the night lying lifeless on the floor. The Dead Girl in Apartment 03 provides pleasant company while it lasts and takes its leave long before it overstays its welcome. Like a good roommate.
The Dead Girl in Apartment 03 is currently available on VOD, with DVD/Blu-Ray release coming November 22, 2022.
If you’re a sucker for ‘80s horror, then I might have something for you. From writer/director Daniel Benedict comes a tries-to-be- fun-for-the-whole-family film called, The Bloody Man—a tale of a typical family that faces a demonic force bound and determined to rip them apart from […]
Movie Reviews Movies & TVIf you’re a sucker for ‘80s horror, then I might have something for you. From writer/director Daniel Benedict comes a tries-to-be- fun-for-the-whole-family film called, The Bloody Man—a tale of a typical family that faces a demonic force bound and determined to rip them apart from the inside out. Is the power of family strong enough to overcome the dark forces of evil? I guess you’ll just have to read on to find out.
The Bloody Man delivers most things a hokey ‘80s horror flick should. It’s got the so-bad-it’s-good score, the fashion and the dialogue, in addition to a cast of cheesy, stereotypical characters that one would expect to see in a film of this era.
The protagonist of the film is a young boy named Sam (David Daniel) who is seemingly carrying the weight of the world upon his shoulders. Not only does he have to deal with the typical bullies at school, but he also has his share of problems at home. The domestic problems stem mainly from Sam’s older brother Michael (Sam Hadden), who’s an asshole, and his whiny younger sister Amy (Olivia Sanders), but the sudden loss of their mother Laurie (Lisa Wilcox) certainly doesn’t help matters. Throw in a father that really isn’t present very much throughout the film but manages to bring in a stepmother named Kim (Tuesday Knight). Michael and Amy don’t mind Kim so much, but for several reasons Sam in another story.
As for the antagonist, we get an odd, not so scary “demon” that initially looks like a pin-less Pinhead that bleeds from his head. Obviously, this is Bloody Man, who stems from a comic book and is summoned to possess and destroy Sam’s family from the inside out for some weird reason. I know that this is a pretty vague summary, but if I tried to write something more detailed, it’d be even more painful.
I’m going to let you in on something: The Bloody Man is a really slow burn that comes in at a whopping two-hour runtime. You read that right…TWO fucking hours. Nothing remotely exciting happens until maybe the last 10 minutes of that runtime. I mean, sure, there are some fun little easter eggs and throwbacks in some scenes, but if you’re looking for gore, action, or jump scares, they’re few and far between. In fact, I couldn’t watch this film in one sitting. I had to keep pausing it to get up and move around because I was bored. Also, the acting tends feels flat and monotonous, especially with the Amy character. I mean, if you like shrill screaming and fake crying, then you’ll enjoy it immensely.
The Bloody Man is a very mild horror movie. It would be a good first horror movie for exceptionally patient children or for people who really don’t like to be scared. I think I understand what writers Daniel Benedict and Casi Clark were striving for, but, unfortunately, I think they missed the mark. However, if you want to make the commitment, The Bloody Man is currently streaming on Prime for $2.99.
I’ve never been to Louisiana, but I’d sure like to go some day. See the old graveyards of New Orleans, visit the voodoo shops of the French Quarter, grab some delicious seafood at some shack out in the sticks. But more than anything, I’d love […]
Movie Reviews Movies & TVI’ve never been to Louisiana, but I’d sure like to go some day. See the old graveyards of New Orleans, visit the voodoo shops of the French Quarter, grab some delicious seafood at some shack out in the sticks. But more than anything, I’d love to go deep into the bayou. That’s a place of absolute mystery and more than a little danger, with an otherworldly feel to it.
Few movies catch the real feel of a true swamp. Southern Comfort is sure one. The Legend of Boggy Creek is another. But when it comes down to capturing that mystic feel, no movie ever did it better than The Witchmaker, a most unusual supernatural thriller from the hallowed year of 1969, the year the Devil broke through into mass culture.
Not only does The Witchmaker (also known as The Legend of Witch Hollow) catch that bayou ambience, but it’s a standout film in other ways as well. While definitely an exploitation film…sometimes overwhelmingly so… it’s also far more intelligent and genuinely spooky than you would think. And to its credit, it’s not just a knockoff of Rosemary’ s Baby, the film that started the Satanic avalanche in 1969. It unfolds in a completely different way and even creates an entire society of witches, complete with rules of conduct and rituals.
Who do we have to thank for The Witchmaker? Would you believe good ol’ Hank Kimball from Green Acres had a lot to do with it? Comic actor Alvy Moore not only starred in the film, but was a producer, along with character actor L.Q. Jones who was best known for being in Westerns, and the director, William O. Brown. Moore and Jones had quite an interest in esoteric film; in addition to The Witchmaker, they also co-produced another devilish film, The Brotherhood of Satan, and the cult sci-fi oddity A Boy and His Dog. Although he’ll always be best known as Hank Kimball, a look at Moore’s credits reveals a surprisingly long and eclectic career.
Director Brown was a bit of an enigma who only did one other movie, the forgettable sex farce One Way Wahine. He also wrote the bulk of The Witchmaker. Based on his clever script and some of the interesting visual touches of The Witchmaker, it’s a bit of a shame that he didn’t pursue further film assignments.
Well, you ready to head down to the bayou and meet Luther The Berserk? Follow me…but be warned, there are spoilers in the coming missive!
The movie starts with a bang and a scene of pure grindhouse hijinx. We see a blond hotty swimming in a swampy lagoon. Now why any rational person would be swimming in an area brimming with snakes, snapping turtles, leeches and presumably gators is a mystery that is never solved here. But our young miss eventually pulls herself out of the murk and goes about drying herself out.
Suddenly from out of nowhere, a huge man jumps her from the bushes with a roar! Yeow! It isn’t long before this bulky, grunting character has smothered the girl to death. One would then think something very unwholesome is about to occur. And it does, but not quite in the way you might be thinking. The girl’s body is strung up from a tree and hung upside down. In a queasy scene, he cuts her throat and gathers the blood in a metal bowl. Then he uses the blood to inscribe an ankh on the girl’s body.
This is our introduction to Luther The Berserk (John Lodge), the villain of the piece. Luther has a sallow, almost yellowish complexion, dark-ringed eyes and wears what looks like clothes from an earlier time. In this opening scene, which certainly grabs your attention, one might think Luther is just a depraved human beast. But we learn there is quite a bit more to him than that.
Next, we see a boat cutting through the dark waters of the swamp. In it are the protagonists of our film. Their leader is Dr. Ralph Hayes, an expert in parapsychology and the occult (Alvy Moore). Also, along for the ride is hard-bitten journalist Vic Gordon (Anthony Eisley), who is here to record what happens on the excursion. The others are students and associates of Dr. Hayes. They include his faithful secretary Maggie (Shelby Grant) and students Owen (Tony Brown), Patty Ann (Robyn Milan) and Tasha (the very statuesque and Nordic looking Thordis Brandt). Ferrying them to a remote cabin in the swamp is Leblanc, played by the beloved character actor Burt Mustin, who played an endless number of old codgers in the ‘60s and ‘70s.
It has to be remarked how absolutely eerie and otherworldly the swamp looks, even in broad daylight. Masses of Spanish moss are hanging everywhere and a constant foggy mist swirls about, muting the sun. The movie was filmed in Marksville, Louisiana in the heart of Cajun bayou country and it sure looks like it. This authenticity adds immeasurably to the ambiance of the movie, even more so in the spooky night scenes.
There have been eight unsolved murders of women in the vicinity, including the blond we saw slaughtered in the opening scenes. This bayou has long been rumored to be the haunt of witches. Leblanc, who believes the others are there to scout scenes for a future movie, discusses the legends of witchcraft with Dr. Hayes. He tells him that REAL witches are far different and more dangerous than the “conjure women” who cure ailments with magic herbs. They are immortal creatures who extend their lives by offering blood sacrifices to Satan.
Hayes and his crew are attracted to the area because of its reputation and its distance from civilization. Tasha is said to be very psychically sensitive, with witchery in her own bloodline. The remote swamp cabin they will be staying at has no electricity and they will essentially be cut off from the world during their stay there. Once Leblanc drops them off, he will not return for a week. Hayes reasons that having none of the radio and electrical signals of an inhabited area will enhance Tasha’s latent abilities, which he plans to study. She may even lead them to any real witches in the area. Well, be careful what you wish for….
We learn more about Luther and what makes him tick. He is the leader of an ancient and powerful witch coven and he’s been in the swamp for a VERY long time. In fact, there is no real sign that he’s a part of the modern world or even aware of it. He lives in a decrepit shack deep in the bayou, but it’s only a front…his real dwelling place is a huge, ornate cavern deep underground, dominated by a very evil and cool looking devil statue, which is prominently seen during the film. After praying to Old Scratch, Luther summons another member of his coven, the old crone Jessie.
The two have an interesting conversation which is alternately prosaic and chilling. They talk about their witchcraft and deviltry like old comrades who don’t fully trust each other. The movie’s clever script gives a lot of background information in a conversational way. An entire culture of witches is created, with detail and depth to it. What is currently troubling Luther is that his coven is currently understaffed. It lacks a thirteenth member that will bring it back to full strength. But he has sensed that a powerful new presence has entered the swamp…Tasha. He intends to convert her to his coven, but she needs to be weaned away from the other intruders who incidentally need to be killed to preserve the secret of the coven.
At one point, Luther spies a topless Tasha sunning herself in the swamp. In addition to enjoying the view, he also tries to establish a connection to her mind. The result is Tasha running in slow motion through the swamp in terror with hands covering her bounteous breasts. The scene reminds us that we are indeed watching a grindhouse film. But it also indicates that Luther’s interest in Tasha is not primarily sexual, but more that of a mentor getting a read on a possible student.
Back at the cabin, we find out more about our crew of psychic investigators. Vic is an avowed skeptic and gets into a prolonged but interesting conversation with Dr. Hayes. The scene is talky but provides a lot of information that makes the investigators seem like more than just a bunch of boobs bumbling around in the bayou. I can’t really say enough about Alvy Moore’s performance as Hayes. Not only does he come across as a learned academic with a broad knowledge of the occult, but he shows quirky humor and flashes of temperament. He comes across as a living, breathing human being with faults, hidden courage and more. If you watch his performance here and still see him as only Hank Kimball, then you’re watching a different movie than me.
A game of supernatural cat and mouse now begins between Hayes’ group and the forces of Luther. A séance testing Tasha’s power erupts into a dangerous scene. Old Jessie the crone casts a spell that turns her into a HOT young witch, mostly so she can try to seduce the males of the group, especially Owen. The swamp at night becomes a dark netherworld of fog and Spanish moss, where sudden death can strike at any moment.
When Luther ambushes and kills Patty Ann, Hayes realizes he and the others are in over their heads and they are in a fight for their lives. There is a very poignant scene where Hayes is overcome by grief at what has happened to Patty Ann. Reading between the lines, we sense there may have been more than a “student-teacher” relationship between the two. “You get to know some of your students,” he laments. “You don’t think you’ll have to bury them.” Again, a great acting bit from Alvy Moore.
Luther and the young version of Jessie finally manage to wrest Tasha away from Dr. Hayes and take her to the coven’s underground headquarters. Her heritage of witchcraft is revealed, and she watches as the two witches make their prayers to Old Nick’s statue. Luther is a strangely schizophrenic character, articulate and almost humble at some points but bestial and sinister at others.
Finally, Hayes makes the decision to fight the coven. He tells Vic that wild garlic will help make a person “invisible” to a witch. Vic volunteers to get the wild garlic treatment so he can find and infiltrate the coven’s headquarters and possibly rescue Tasha. Hayes and his faithful secretary Maggie will stay at the cabin and treat it with herbs and sigils so it can resist the witches’ power. Maggie is quite the loyal and courageous woman, but she isn’t afraid to talk back to Hayes or even stand up to him and tell him he’s responsible for what’s happened. With just a few scenes, Shelby Grant manages to infuse some energy and personality into her character.
Half expecting to get caught, Vic is amazed when he learns the garlic actually works…he can stand right next to a witch and not be detected. He enters Luther’s lair, where what seems to be a full witches’ orgy is in progress. Luther has summoned the rest of the coven from the four corners of the Earth in what is the movie’s best scene by far. They are quite a diverse group. There’s the Hag of Devon, who is actually an attractive young girl; Felicity Johnson, who turns into a black cat; Amos Coffin, a cadaverous Puritan looking fellow played by horror host Larry “Seymour” Vincent; San Blas, a bearded monk; and more, including a gorgeous Asian woman whose name I didn’t catch.
The witches conduct a sabbat, something like a meeting of the local Moose Lodge, where Luther tells them that Tasha may be a new member for them. During the course of the meeting, it’s revealed that the young (or young looking) witch Marta has transgressed against the laws of the coven, which she admits. As the others eagerly watch, she is whipped by Luther as punishment. The minute the whipping is done, it’s party time and all the witches, including Marta, participate in a raucous orgy where much alcohol is consumed and lustful shenanigans break out, including a belly dancer cutting loose with a hip shaking exhibition. This whole scene with the witches’ sabbat is the peak of the film.
During the course of events, the invisible Vic wreaks havoc amongst the witches, causing a Satanic ceremony to be botched and the wrath of the Evil One to descend on his followers. In the confusion, Vic snatches an entranced Tasha and makes a run for it back into the swamp, where he hopes to get her to the cabin.
An enraged Luther now lives up to his title of “The Berserk” and pursues them into the swamp, flinging mystic bolts of power at them. This scene reminded me of something from the Dr. Strange comic, with Luther standing in for a villain such as Baron Mordo.
I won’t give away the ending of the movie, but if you’ve seen enough Satanic movies from this period, you can kind of guess what direction things are going to go in. It’s an abrupt conclusion that in some ways doesn’t make sense, but in other ways seems perfectly logical.
The Witchmaker was very much a bridge between the old horrors of the ‘60s and the rapidly developing Satanic subgenre that would explode in the early ‘70s. There was a real attempt to create an actual society for the witches, an alternate reality for them to inhabit. Luther and his coven didn’t seem to be a part of the “real” world. I’m guessing most of them were ancient beings who dated back to an earlier time and who had no desire to join a technological, modern society. Or any need to, as well. The swamp belonged to Luther, that’s for sure, and any who entered it were stepping foot in his world. How many young girls did he sacrifice over the centuries?
In the late ‘60s and early ‘70s, parapsychology and ESP were also exploding. Writer/director Brown again did his research and much of the scientific side of the occult that Dr. Hayes and crew practiced is described in detail during the movie. Hayes trying to reduce the electromagnetic interference that could interfere with psychic phenomena sounds quite plausible. On the other end of the scale, he also knows older, more arcane lore like the usage of wild garlic. The Witchmaker has one foot in the old world and the other in the modern.
With all the cleverness of its concept and execution, it’s still an exploitation movie. In 1975, the movie was re-released on the drive-in circuit with the new name The Naked Witch, which contained some more explicit footage. I wonder if Alvy Moore and L.Q. Jones knew about this and had any hand in the new, sexier scenes. Did the coven’s orgy get more hot and heavy than the relatively tame scenes in the original? Did we get to see more of Tasha, Patty Ann and young Jessie? I honestly don’t know but I’d be interested to find out.
The Witchmaker is a low budget film that hits far above its weight class, to use a boxing analogy. While not perfect, it’s a very interesting and entertaining artifact from a lost era of horror history, one I find a lot more intriguing than the current time period. Check it out if you can!
